Selfish Comfort
by CoCo Krispies
Summary: After Thane's Death Garrus deals with The Commanders break down and discovers Kaidan isn't as oblivious as he first thought. Second part of the Bound Series.


Second part of the Bound Series. I actually thought I had this up and posted a few months ago... Dino moment anyone? Anyways I hope this one is enjoyed as much as Discussions After Dark was.

As with the first one there is also an art work to accompany this piece. Once more it was commissioned by a wonderful artist for this part of the Bound series.

You can also find me here

"So have any of you seen the Commander since he re boarded the Normandy?" Vega asked as he joined several of his crew mates at the mess hall table.

"I thought he was still at the hospital with his friend." Liara said.

"Nope I passed him in the hallway on my way here. Whatever happened couldn't have been good. He looked real messed up to me." Vega said matter of factly.

Garrus found himself thankful once again that no one here could read his facial expressions. Last thing he needed was for any of these humans and the damn Asari picking up on his interest in this conversation. Last he had heard was that Shepard was going to visit Thane in Huerta to check on his condition. He had wanted to go with him to see the former assassin as well, to make sure he was safe with his own eyes. But he knew Shepard needed the time alone with Thane so he had remained behind.

"Shepard not usually upset in presence of others. Lot of pressure recently. Friend hurt after Major Alenko was so badly injured. To much stress maybe?" Mordin asked.

"Thane was already in the hospital when I got there. He was apparently sick and needing long term care." Kaidan said quietly.

"Enough!" Garrus growled out, slamming a rough hand down on the metal table in front of him. Standing quickly he turned an icy glare on the others.

"Garrus?" Kaidan asked

"Have any of you bothered to ask him what's actually wrong? Instead of simply gossiping amongst yourselfs, why don't you try to do something about the problem." Garrus hissed.

"Such as?" Liara asked.

"EDI what is the current status of Thane Krios at Huerta Memorial Hospital?" Garrus growled.

"Deceased at 16:49 today. Witnesses at time of death where Commander John Shepard and Koylat Krios." Came EDI's voice after a few seconds hesitation.

"How hard was that. Now if you all will excuse me I have to go make sure Shepard doesn't go and do something incredibly stupid... again." Garrus sighed, not letting any of his own pain at the news show in his eyes.

"Something stupid?" Kaidan asked standing quickly himself.

"It is not the first time the Commander has seen death up close. You do remember Illios don't you?" Liara said.

"Yes Kaidan, stupid. You all would be amazed at how much that man can destroy himself over loosing those that are important to him. Liara, he maybe no stranger to death, but I promise you that he won't recover from this one so easily. Thane is...was... different from others. As cold as that may sound it is true. " Garrus said, already heading to the life support area. It would be asking to much for Shepard to be grieving alone in his private cabin. No the difficult bastard would be where Thane had spent most of his time on the ship.

"Garrus? Could I... I mean would it... be alright if I joined you?" Kaidan stuttered out.

"Why?" Garrus asked staring hard at the human male. Having the major with him may help, but it was just as likely to cause further harm. Especially since it had been Alenko himself that had been a major part of the initial problem.

"Shepard is my friend Garrus. If he is hurting I want to help." Kaidan said softly trying not to blush at the looks he got from the others at that. He wanted to be there for Shepard in whatever way he could. What may have been between them at one time had surely been destroyed by Kaidan back on Horizon, regardless of what Thane had told him. Not to mention the whole things with Council recently. But Shepard was still the most important person in existence in his eyes.

"That is not enough right now. Not what he is going to need from you. Talk to him tomorrow if that is all you can offer him. He doesn't need another friend right now. He needs a reminder but not one of why he turned to Thane in the first place." Garrus said as he finally stepped out of sight.

"Since when did Vakariyan get all cryptic?" James asked.

Kaidan said nothing as he sat back down. Turning the turrians words over slowly in his mind. No, not just Garrus's words but Thanes as well. The night time discussion between the assassin and the biotic flooding his memories. If Garrus thought he needed more as well... maybe it was time to give it to the Commander.

Stepping into the life support room, Garrus's breath caught sharply at the sight before him. Shepard curled into a shuddering ball at the far end of the room. The soft pain filled sobbing echoing in the otherwise silent room almost broke his heart.

"Oh John." Garrus whispered as he locked the door behind himself, then quickly made his way over to the human. Sitting on the floor the former merc immediately reached over and pulled John into his lap and leaned back the cold metal wall.

"He's gone Garrus." John managed to get out as he wrapped his arms tightly around the other.

"I know. I just found out myself."

"I should have told you when I got back. But I was breaking apart to quickly, didn't want to face anyone."

"It's alright John. Take as much time as you need right now and don't worry about me." Garrus whispered gently, nuzzling his head forehead to John's own.

"He prayed for me. His last breath, his last words were a prayer of Salvation to and for me. His own son was standing right there at my side... and I was his last thought." John rasped, tears forming again at the memory.

"He loved you John. You knew that as well as I did."

"I didn't deserve that love Garrus and you know it. Just as I don't deserve yours either." John cried trying to pull back from the others comforting arms. Such self clothing and guilt in those beautiful blue eyes, Garrus almost had to look away.

Making sure his talons drew no blood, Garrus captured the other males face in his hand and forced him to face him.

"Why? Because you can't return our feeling for you? John look, Thane and I both knew from the start that your heart belonged to another. Shit, I was at your side when the arrogant little shit crushed that heart so callously the first time. It took all the self control I had not to rip him to shreds when he accused you of betraying him. Thane felt the same once he learned about it. But that didn't change the fact that we both went into the relation ship with you knowing you still loved him.

Thane loved you and was happy with the time he had with you. We both enjoyed what time and affection we could have with you. Neither of us would have ever hurt you so much as to ask you to stop loving someone. We never asked for more than you could give us. You gave us everything you could and we were happy with that." Garrus gently explained.

"But..." No buts John. Don't let your guilt tear you apart like this."

"He died protecting me. I could do nothing for him in the end."

"He died protecting the man he loved and had you at his side in his final moments. Don't you think that that was a better end for him than the slow and rather painful death that he had been facing to start with?" Garrus asked.

"I suppose. I just... I am going to miss him so much. I still have you and that means more to me than you know. But it took both of you to hold me together after everything else. If something happens to you as well I will be left with nothing." John whispered.

"You won't lose me." Garrus swore, leaning down and pressing his mouth to Shepard's own in as close to a kiss as he could manage. Snake like tongue flicking briefly along soft skin though being very careful not to slip inside the humans mouth. Pulling back he looked at the near broken human in his arms.

"I will be here to give you whatever you need for as long as I can." Garrus promised.

"And if you find another to love in my place?" John asked.

"Until that dumb ass jumps on the clue bus and figures out just how devoted to him you are, there will not be anyone else." Garrus promised.

"I know it is both wrong and selfish of me to accept that from you. But thank you Garrus." John said softly, resting his head on the turians rigid armor, unmindful of the discomfort it caused.

"John, we have been friends much longer than we have been lovers. To me you come first, whatever you need to be happy that I can give to you is all that matters right now. I don't see that changing anytime soon either. Even if I do eventually find another I will always love you in some way." Garrus said.

"I don't know what the hell I did to deserve you or Thane in my life, but it must have been damn near saintly." John sighed tiredly. Eyes slipping closed as the Commander finally gave into his grief wrought exhaustion . Falling asleep in those comfortable familiar arms.

Garrus sat there in silence holding the human close as he slept. He had the feeling that the physical part of their relationship was at an end now. With Kaidan on the Normandy all the time and Thane's death, it would simply be to much for Shepard and overwhelm the man past his breaking point. Strangely enough it didn't hurt as much as he had thought it was going to.

Granted part of it may have been due to the fact that he had known this was coming for a while not. But still he had thought it would hurt much worse.

"Garrus the Commander is needed in the..."

"No." Garrus interrupted EDI quickly in a low voice so as not to wake the sleeping man.

"But..."

"I said no EDI. Shepard is in no condition to play Commander and peacekeeper with anyone right now.  
Give me twenty minutes to get him to his quarters and settled and I will be down to take care of the Asari Councilor and any other problems that may arise.

"Do you require assistance with the Commander?"

"No EDI, and to everyone listening in. You breath a word of this to anyone, Shepard included and I will happily string you up and use you as target practice." Garrus warned as he stood careful with his precious armful and quickly made his way out of the life support room and to the lift.

He had no doubt that at least a few of the crew had listened in on them. He didn't need the others giving his human any more grief being seeing him like this. He would be upset enough that everyone would know about his private life as it was.

Lucky for him though he made it into the lift without seeing anyone else and breathed a sigh of relief.

Though his tension returned as he stepped out onto the first level deck to find none other than Kaidan waiting for him, leaning back against the Commander's door.

"I told you tomorrow would be better." Garrus growled out, uneasy at seeing the other. Last thing he needed right now was John to wake up and suddenly see Kaidan there.

"You said he doesn't need another friend right now. To stay away if I couldn't give him more than what a simple friend could offer." Kaidan said simply.

"And?"

"And I am not stupid Garrus, recent actions aside of course. It wasn't that I couldn't see his attraction to me nor was I in denial of my own to him. I was however completely terrified at what would happen if I acted on any of those feelings." Kaidan admitted. It was odd how much easier it was to tell Garrus this than Thane had been. Maybe it was because he had already spoken of it once that it became easier now.

"You were scared? Of what? Being hurt by the biggest damn Boy Scout ever born? Oh and do mind moving you ass out of the way. To many eyes and ears out here and he is starting to get just a little heavy." Garrus snapped.

Moving aside quickly and opening the door to Shepard's private cabin, Kaidan watched silently as Garrus put the Commander in bed. Efficiently removing the others shirt and boots before placing him under the blankets. It was more than obvious that this was not the first time for him.

"I am not scared of Shepard... I am scared for him." Kaidan finally said.

"That makes no sense at all, now come in or get out.

"Look I don't know if you had spoken to Thane or not since I last did. But he and I had a very enlightening discussion one night a few weeks ago. We both learned a few things. Amongst most of it was I learned of Shepard's relationship with Thane. I didn't know that you were also a part of it, but that doesn't really bother me at all. To be honest the three of you together is actually a rather striking image, one I may have enjoyed seeing first hand." Kaidan smirked.

"Really? Now I wouldn't have expected that of you Major. You have a hidden side I see." Garrus purred appreciatively. Maybe this human did have what it would take to fix Shepard after all.

"That's right I do. It's that hidden part of me that scares me so much. Thane told me the Shepard would be more than able to accept, hell thrive, in the type of relationship I could give him. Said I could offer him what Thane never could. From what I have seen and and heard moments ago, it looks like it is something you can't give to him either." Kaidan said.

"Since you already seem to know how he feels I will come right out and say it for then. He loves you Kaidan. There is nothing you could do that will change that. That much should be evident by his desire to still be with you even after Horizon. That is also a part of why we were lacking." Garrus hissed.

"As I so recently learned. So allow me to tell you the same thing I told Thane. I was scared of myself and the fact the I wouldn't be able to give Shepard the freedom he seemed to need . I would want to make him mine and mine alone, chain him to my side." Kaidan admitted in a rough voice. He didn't want to spell things out like he had with Thane, besides Garrus was more than smart enough to figure it out.

"I see." Garrus mused.

"Now as I have said my piece I shall leave for the night."

"But you just..."

"Garrus, right now I am the last person he needs to see. He turned to you and Thane when he thought I didn't want him. Now he feels guilty over not being able to care for you and Thane the way he thinks he should have. Right now he would see me as nothing more than a reminder that he wasn't good enough. This talk was for you, to let you know that I had got a seat on the 'clue bus' so to say.

Tonight you will take care of him. Tomorrow though... once he can look at me without the guilt of Thane's death looming over him. I will give him what he wants, what he needs. Now good night Garrus." Kaidan said in a voice that made even Garrus think twice before voicing his next words.

After the door slid shut with a loud hiss and the room went silent. Garrus looked down at the still Commander.

"How much of that did you actually hear?" Garrus asked lightly.

"Enough." Came the almost unheard response.

"Alright. Sleep now, we can talk when I get back." Garrus sighed as he stood from the bed.  
Casting a final glance at the now truly sleeping man. He would probably think Kaidan's words nothing more than a dream when he finally woke. But Garrus would be there to talk him through it all. If Kaidan was serious about this then he would make damn sure Shepard would be ready for it.

If there was anyone that deserved to be happy it was Shepard.

"EDI, no one is to bother him until I get back. Let him rest for now." Garrus said as he walked out the door and began his trek to the CIC, not even hearing the AI's acknowledgment. His mind filling with plans for the two human Biotics. This may actually turn out to be some fun.


End file.
